Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Mike was shorter guy, shorter than me. Which wasn't unusual, since I was one of the tallest girls throughout all of elementary, but it was more prominent in sixth grade. He was funny, and athletic. He was an actor and often missed school for auditions. I had a monstrous crush on him, and he knew it. Most of the time he would act nice to my face, then say horrible things about me as he walked away. I was too dumb to realize he was a total jerk. My brother and his older sister were in the same grade. Both our parents were highly involved in all the activities that the 8th graders did, and we were both drug along. His sister was an athlete and pretty. One of the cool kids like my brother. I know my brother really liked her, but was too busy trying to look uninterested to grab her attention. I got stuck tagging along for the 8th grade homecoming dance, Mike happened to be there too, tagging along with his parents.. It was that night, he got desperate enough to talk to me. Before I knew it were walking around the campus, laughing and joking about our older siblings, and all the ridiculous things they did as 8th graders. In my head I was reeling with the idea he might actually like me. When we got to the lockers he looked down at his feet and and shyly asked, "do you want to be my girlfriend?". I felt as if my feet were floating above the ground. "um, ya.. sure". I replied trying hard to play it cool. We parted ways and he told me he would see me at school the next day. I couldn't wait. The next morning, I put on my favorite dress, did my hair, even put on a little lip gloss. I found him first thing on the playground the next morning before school. He was hanging out with friends gathered around the tall metal slide that most kids didn't use because its hot surface no matter what the season. It was the playground monument for the cool kids.
"hi mike!", I said nervously, knowing I was standing on the cool kid holy ground.
"What do you want?", he said coolly. I stood motionless and stunned. "Oh.. you thought I was serious?". He looked over at his shoulders as the other kids snickered. "I was just kidding I wouldn't really be your boyfriend.. Your ugly". My eyes started filling with tears. I tried hard to retain any composure I could muster. "I don't care..", I said my voice shaking. I quickly ran off and got a pass to the bathrooms. I cried and cried. I had never felt so crushed. I locked myself in the bathroom for an hour, trying to get myself together for class. I was late for school, and got sent to the principles where I was given detention. I would not tell them why my face was tear stained and what had happened on the playground. Mike and friends teased me for weeks. Calling my name and saying "hey Summer, you want to my girlfriend? JUST KIDDING!". If I could have dug myself a hole and died, I would have.
Thankfully, my elementary misery ended, and I started middle school. I was even heavier and more outcast than before. But unlike the previous school years, I made a real, close friend, Melissa. Melissa and I had one common love for the many teen beat heartthrobs, and as well as the same awkward size that made us inseparable. She had short blond hair and the prettiest features, including the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Her parents worked tirelessly to keep their large home and expensive cars. Her mother was German and they would speak German around me. I loved listening to them, wishing I could join in. We spent every waking moment of junior high together. Melissa was spunky and had odd sense of humor. I loved her handwriting how it was rounded and sweet, like her. She would dot her I's with hearts or circles. We spent many sleep overs talking about the crushes we had, how we would be beautiful, tall and thin in high school, and get married to one of our many celebrity crushes at 16.
First period was PE. I hated PE with everything in my being. I loved my teacher. She was tall and boyish. Would always say, "Summer, be PE tough!". Hoping in some way to inspire me to one more crunch. In the spring we did soccer. I hated soccer more than anything. I was picked last, and couldn't kick the ball well. I always found some way to be excused due to my period cramps or allergies. In the second week of soccer, Melissa told me she liked soccer and wasn't going to stay out. I was mad and felt betrayed. As I sat in the gym watching the clock, one my classmates ran in calling me. Melissa was playing goalie, because of her size and the mud on the field she slipped and broke her femur. I ran out as fast as could. Pushed past the teachers and faculty to stand my her side. I waited until the ambulance came and watched as the loaded her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. She winced in pain, shaking in the shock. I called my parents immediately to tell them what happened, hoping they would take me straight away to the hospital to wait by her side. My brother was in baseball at the time, and had long practices everyday. It required a lot of my parents and just like before I was pushed to last in line for their attention. Melissa was on many pain meds and could rarely awake to talk, three days after her fall she had surgery to get pins in her leg. I could never seem to get my parents to drive me to her house. Before I knew two weeks had passed and I had hardly talked to her or seen her. Those 3 weeks she was out of school were the loneliest, I had ever experienced. I imagined that's how she felt at home. I was only able to visit her once in the 3 weeks. By the time she came back to school, she was a stranger. I still held her books, helped her with her locker; but she was upset that her best friend hadn't been there with her. I was ashamed that I couldn't have been either. From that point on, our tight bond started to unravel. When we started high school we were totally different people. Her with a new set of friends, me with my obsession.


sirens said...

this writing is strong. I write stuff on my other blog. http://escapesirens.blogspot.com let's follow each other's blogs :)